Final Project - Kristiana Zulaybar

 Caught between two worlds

My final project is about having an identity crisis as an immigrant. Where I show the side of being an immigrant and having the feeling of being caught in two worlds. For this project, I use a mix of gouache and watercolor pencil as a medium.

The main inspiration for me to do this project was my recent trip back to the Philippines. I have been an immigrant here in the United States for almost 10 years and I've grown accustomed to the lifestyle here and most things are now familiar to me. But during my trip in the Philippines is where I realize I truly felt disconnected, where I find myself not being able to recall places anymore, and forgetting my ways through the province and being too able to keep up to the new trends in the Philippines. But here in the United States, I still feel that I still don't feel that I truly belong here and being seen as what other people call “F.O.B”(fresh out the boat). Its a weird feeling of being an immigrant and having this uncertainty of where I should belong. At the bottom of my work there is a lyrics of the song “Split” by NIKI. There's a line in the song that I relate the most about the feeling of being caught between two worlds. In the top right side I show the church at my hometown in the Philippines, I chose to show the church since it is one of the main thing I felt disconnected to. Philippines is centered around catholicism and I have felt disconnected to that part of the culture and there is a lack of details on the street because of constant changes around the place, I forgot what it once used to be. On the left side is the view of the Manhattan skyline here in Jersey City. It is one of my favorite views here since I have always wanted to go in New York back then and now it is just a few miles away. For the flags, I intentionally drew half of the United States flag I am not fully American but the U.S is now a big part of me. 

The paintings that have inspired me in this work is Frida Kahlo’s “Two Fridas” and the “Self portrait on the borderline between Mexico and the United States”. In the "Two Fridas," she portrays herself of having two identities, much like myself where I feel of having "two identities" where I feel being too Filipino to Americans and too 'American' to Filipinos. and the “Self portrait on the borderline between Mexico and the United States” painting reflects on her two cultures just like my Filipino heritage and the American culture now that I am in.